She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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