Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
