Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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