I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Randomize
