I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
