Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
