Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
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I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
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"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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