Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just high enough for therapy.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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