I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You ate ashes out of my bong
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
