i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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