You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Two words: blizzard sex
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
