Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
