just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
