She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
