how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
