I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize