I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
