what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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