That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
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Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
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You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize