ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
