is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize