The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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