Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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