Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
