Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
