Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
