I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
