I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
