isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
