we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
