I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
