Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
