just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
