She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
