I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
