my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."