I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."