I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
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So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
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Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!