I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
