Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
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I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling