If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Randomize
