Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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