i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
