You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
