so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
foreskin is a definite game changer
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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