You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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