Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
