i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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