Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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