I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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