I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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