When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
