I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
