You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
