I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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