God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
