Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
