I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
