He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
