So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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