Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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