K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
