okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
