Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uberlube is also flammable
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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