you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
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The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
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They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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