Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My vagina is officially offended.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
