Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She needs sedatives and a leash
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
