a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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