Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
