Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I bet he comes in French.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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