he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
