I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
