Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
